Thoughts of the Day – June 4th: Being a Leader is Scary

Oh hello there! Welcome to my musings, enter if you dare.

Today was a good day. I woke up at my normal 6:40am waking time, only to realize that on Wednesdays I work at my cafe job at 12:30. I stayed in bed, even though the sun kept waking me up, until 9:30. Next time I should just wake up and get even more done.

Before work, I got my vacuuming done, went to the cleaners, and did small tasks for my real job. Not to mention enjoying a leisurely breakfast (cinnamon raisin bagel thin, egg layered with cheddar cheese- a variation of my specialty egg sandwich). And on top of that, I wasted time doing nothing. By 12:15, I was out of the house to pick up supplies for the cafe from my boss, and then heading to work. Bam! I am really proud of myself for getting up early today.

I have been going through my personal email inbox at work today. I had around 149 emails, that I have cut down so far to 15. Most of them are the weekly LinkedIn newsletters with social media/leadership articles. I have been skimming each of these emails for articles that catch my eye, and then skimming or reading the ones I deem worthy of my time. [I sound like a Queen when I say that…”deem worthy of my time.”] I am a sucker for good content; my Pocket is overflowing.

These articles have me thinking about what it means to be a leader. My entire life right now is based around leadership, heck, I run The Student Leader Collective and I love with with all my heart! I have been recently thinking of ways to become a better manager and leader of my SLC leadership team. I have also been posting the productivity articles to my sister’s Facebook wall, wanting to help her be even more amazing than she is already. All of this has me thinking: wait a second, I am a leader????

sabina de matteo
Me, contemplating my role as a leader

I was an avid student leader in college, but I still feel like I could have been better, had I had the information to be so. I consider myself a leader in many regards, so very different from how I was before grew into my actual personality. But still, it feels like a lot. I want everyone to be as motivated and excited as I am. I have a boss who is beyond amazing, who pushes me to be better and better. He knows so much about being a great leader. I want to help other people reach their potential, to inspire them, and to run effective teams. Yet I feel like I don’t even scratch the surface of that yet, as good as I may or may not be. There is just SO MUCH I need to learn, to put into place, to make into habits.

I guess I just had a moment of self doubt. No, I take that back. Not self doubt, because my job at Swift Kick has taught me I can do anything I really want to do. I just had a moment of: Am I as far along this journey as I thought I was? How can I possibly DO all the things that would make me an awesome leader? 

I will get there, and I know I am doing great, because I feel it in my heart. Just have to get greater, that’s all. This all comes back to wanting to grow into my “Adulthood,” so that people see me as someone with good ideas who deserves a listen. All while staying humble, of course. Help, my brain has no off button.


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