Hi dear readers!
Well, another week has passed. You all know my last week was incredibly difficult, and I told myself this one would be better. It wasn’t exactly better. It was another 5 days of struggling both physically and spiritually. I admit I was scared and again unable to function as well as I am used to.
Which means I approach tomorrow with caution and a little bit of nervousness. I realize that just because I resolve to have a perfect week, to be okay again, doesn’t mean I can stick to that, or that it is that easy. My highs are really high, my friends, and my lows (though usually rare) are pretty low.
But this story isn’t a sad one. Because I felt so lost this week, I reached new steps in different aspects of my life. Kieran and I are stronger than ever because he has seen me through all of this in the best way possible, and proven that he is a man perfect for me. The idea that there are “no good guys” is a lie. He is the definition of good, I almost can’t believe it. But I do believe it because I know God sent me someone I needed to help me be the best me. I have had conversations with him this week that I will remember forever.
I also came to a realization, with the help of one of my closest friends, that I am at a spiritual turning point. I think God is calling me to Him in a new way, asking me to change up how I practice my faith. I must have gotten too comfortable in my ways and understandings. I pray I don’t ignore this, and find ways to indeed become better, scary as it may be. And I thank God Kieran is next to me at church every Sunday.
This week I hope to be armed once again with hope and joy, as I am so well known for. I hope the crazy and terrifying world we live in today stays quiet for a week. We all need a break.
In a separate thought, though not unrelated, I have not been remiss on writing every day. I have been doing a lot of journaling, in my orange notebook I carry everywhere. I realized I really like journaling, but only because I have changed how I do it since I was little. I used to keep a diary often growing up, but ended up stopping every time because I hated the chore of writing everything down every day. It wasn’t fun. Now I use my journal not as a “have to” but a tool to help me get my thoughts out. It’s a great way to check in with myself, to write out exactly what I feel with no fear of the internet reading my most personal thoughts. It’s therapeutic and comforting. Not to mention again, my notebook is orange! :)
So these are my thoughts for the evening. Life is a roller coaster when you feel things so much. But when the people around you support and appreciate this characteristic, it won’t end badly. After all, I have been through much, much rougher patches.