Relax, I am fine, guys. In fact, I am great.
I am sure you remember from my last few posts that I have been pretty down. I’ve been sick with a mystery problem, and depressed and confused. Definitely not the sunshine I am known for. What a bummer.
But when my face turned bright red in what seemed to be an allergic reaction on Saturday, I went to the ER, and my story changed. It turns out, I have had mono since September. My scarlet face was simply a reaction of the antibiotics I was on plus the virus. So the first thing I learned is that if you throw antibiotics at mono, your skin breaks out in a not so nice rash. Let that be public knowledge! [Is this TMI, oh I don’t care…] I also learned that blood tests for mono, which I had had a month ago, aren’t very reliable. But the one I took on Saturday indeed came back positive.
I feel so relieved; I finally know what was wrong with me this whole time. Of course I wasn’t myself!
I spent the weekend resting up, and worked from home on Monday. I was still feeling anxious and worried about the spiritual questions I have been struggling with. You see, last week, a lot of stuff hit me all at once about God and my place in my faith and it was SCARY.
But don’t let that deter you! I spoke to my dad last night, tearfully, about my fears and he reminded me of a very important truth: All things, your journey in faith included, are in God’s control. All you have to do is show up. I was so concerned with figuring it all out right now, I forgot to just give it to God and trust that He will give me all the answers as I need them. I had been putting off that conversation with dad, and all it took was 10 minutes for me to feel freed by this truth.
The sky looked more open to me than I remembered it. My figurative rainclouds I’d allowed to keep me company this past month had finally cleared, and the world looked more beautiful to me today. Change 1 [thoughts/emotions/physiology], change all 3!
I also learned once again that the things you’re scared of most are often the things that will be your salvation later. In high school and college, I was irrationally terrified of having mono. I don’t know why. It’s not like I was kissing anyone… [it’s humor people, lighten up.] I also had been afraid this whole time of talking to my dad about my questions about God, because I thought the conversation would be too long and too intense, as it often is with my dad. Turns out: I am relieved to know it’s mono because that’s not so terrible, and my dad, in a brief conversation, told me to just relax and stop being so intense. Ah, irony.
I don’t doubt that tomorrow or the next few weeks might have their low days as I work on getting better physically. But I am no longer afraid, and I feel like myself again. And with that, with the grace I’ve always known God gave me, I can take on the world. I am so thankful.
Huge shout out to those of you who have supported me through this particularly dark month. So many friends and family members stuck by my side even though I wasn’t really fun, and kept reminding me to stay positive. And so many people kept me in their prayers. Those prayers worked. Thank you times a million.