I sit at a window seat on the MetroNorth train to Grand Central, attempting to read Bradbury’s The Martian while small children in the 6 seater across from me giggle, laugh, and say complex words I’m surprised they know at their age.
They are having the time of their lives. Was I like that? Singing songs in unison with my friends, and laughing hysterically at nothing in particular. They are not even at their destination and I think if they turned around right now, they’d go home excited about their fun adventure on the train.
In my fight with anxiety and the malady of getting older, I realize where I went wrong. It’s sad because I think I was the last to fall- I’d been optimistic and excited way longer than many. But now, instead of having the time of my life during my commutes and travels, I’ve picked up the occasional hobby of starting my days hoping and praying that it won’t disappoint my expectations. I wonder if my time with my boyfriend will be awesome or leave me wishing we had talked more, been more spontaneous, did more.
Meanwhile, these children are SURE they are headed for adventure. That’s why they are so excited and happy. I bet they will go home tonight after their day in the city and decide it was the best day ever. Because they started it off right. They are making their own happiness, I’m watching it.
I have noticed lately that Kieran and I have the most fun on days when I don’t plan, and don’t worry if the day will be as exciting as I need. When I’m in a good mood, I have a good time. When I’m riding shotgun being silly and laughing, we have already had a blast no matter our destination. And we will probably continue to do so as the hours tick on.
So this is my reminder to you: Bring your own happy. Shine a light on every moment so that you and everyone else has a blast. If you’re too busy analyzing each day for the good, you won’t find it. Because you’ve actually looking for the mishaps the whole time.
“Wherever you go, no matter the weather, bring your own sunshine. ”